When I got home that day, my mom met me at the door, looking concerned. Unfortunately, my school administration eliminated that opportunity by informing my mother after a parent wrote a letter to the school, complaining that her child had to be “exposed” to my girlfriend and me. They were open and accepting people, but I still doubted they’d be thrilled that I wasn’t “normal.” I prepared many different speeches in my head and was waiting for the right opportunity. The main thing holding me back was fear of my parents’ reaction. Once I had come out to my friends and my school, I started feeling more and more uncomfortable that I had not yet told my family. Fortunately, after a few months, things started getting better, and slowly, people became more tolerant. The frustrating thing was that we weren’t trying to make a splash or a sensation we just wanted to be treated like any other people and any other couple. I remember the helpless anger I felt when I realized that my school wasn’t going to do much to help us. We got detentions for hugging and homophobic comments hissed at us behind our backs. My girlfriend and I faced discrimination and harassment from both students and faculty. Unfortunately, my high school is rather conservative, and being the first openly gay couple wasn’t very easy. My girlfriend and I decided that while we wouldn’t shout from the rooftops, we also wouldn’t hide that we were dating. Coming out to my friends was one thing coming out to the rest of my high school was another. My honesty really strengthened our friendships, and their support became an invaluable resource for me for years to come. They all became completely comfortable with it in their eyes it was just part of who I was. Regardless of their initial reaction, all my friends eventually accepted me. I told my friends individually, and their responses varied from confused to unsurprised. I came out to three distinct groups: my friends, my school and lastly, my family. However, my strong feelings on the subject didn’t exactly prepare me for how difficult stepping out of “the closet” into the big, bright world would be or how deeply it would affect me and those around me. I also wasn’t comfortable with lying about who I was or who I loved. I totally rejected the idea that I should hide how I felt, as if it was wrong or horrible. To me, coming out was all about being true to myself. I came out at 16, shortly after I discovered I was gay.
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PUBERTY begins in the brain, with the hypothalamus and pituitary glands releasing hormones that trip the “on” switch of a much bigger cascade.Coming Out as Gay to Parents: 3 Parents Share Their Experience The Coming Out Process: Coming Out Stories From Gay Teens Decoding Boys, © Dr Cara Natterson, (Yellow Kite, £14.99) is out now.Talk to your son about who else he can go to for advice.Īnd finally, when you make the wrong call, set the wrong rule or react in the wrong way, take ownership, apologise, and then give yourself another chance. In order to win at parenting through puberty, have many talks over many years, and take them slowly.Īlso, find your surrogate.
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Every time you make a blanket statement, follow it with a short explanation of why. Use other people’s behaviour – both good and bad – as illustrations. Sitting inside the car on a drive is an ideal place for this.
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Not seeing one another can open the floodgates. Grab a “teachable” moment and turn off devices.Īvoid eye contact, at least in the beginning. When lads are ready to talk, be sure to listen, and ask questions too. TO get the conversation going, take any discomfort you may feel about any of the subjects looked at here and multiply by 100 to understand how uncomfortable your son feels.